About half of all marriages in the United States end up in divorce. It is so common that every 13 seconds, a couple is divorcing somewhere in the country. When all else fails, most married couples choose to divorce or permanent separation as the best option to end an unhealthy relationship. Whether it’s your first or second time to get married – you only wish you don’t end up the way most couples do. While in most cases, divorce is inevitable, knowing about the most common reasons why marriages end up in divorce can give you great insights to strengthen your marriage and work out your differences before those petty problems turn into major issues.
Top reasons for divorce
Infidelity
Surely, you are not surprised to see this on top of our list. Extra-marital affairs are the reason why most marriages end up in divorce. There’s a saying that infidelity is rarely the main issue. It is, instead, a symptom of some other problems, such as the desire to fulfill an unmet need or the need to boost self-esteem or to be desired. Understanding the real reason why a partner has cheated is essential to know how the couple can move forward.
Money
Many couples enter marriage without agreeing on money matters, thinking that it’s just – after all – money. Unknowingly, differences in their financial views, spending habits, and goals can backfire and lead to more serious problems. Couples may have differing ideas about who the money belongs to or who decides on major decisions like buying a car or making investments. When these issues aren’t discussed before marriage, they can lead to many years of misunderstandings. It is important for couples to sit down together and talk about their financial goals and try to settle differences. Making a household budget greatly helps too. Couples should also talk about how to deal with emergencies to avoid conflicts. For example, if they decide to take online loans to cover home repair or hospital bills, they should devise a plan to repay their debt and recover from financial difficulty.
Dwindling Intimacy
Intimacy is a wonderful thing, especially during the first few months or years of a relationship. But somehow, after marriage (especially when the baby arrives), it becomes a rare thing. Mom can get too busy and tired of taking care of the little one, dad gets frustrated. Or dad had a bad day at work when mom finally found the time (and energy) to do it. And before they know, both partners have become intimately estranged and wonder what happened. There are times during a marriage when sex feels like a chore. But it’s the best way that a married couple connects. It is important to talk about it, give time for it (if needed – schedule it), and address intimacy issues early on. Also, couples should remember that intimacy does not only involve lying next to each other. Simple things like hugging, cuddling, holding hands, and sweet conversations can all help keep intimacy alive.
Unrealistic Expectations
Many couples enter marriage expecting that they will live happily ever after. But marriage isn’t a fairytale. It sure is one of the best things in the world but it comes with so many challenges too. When a partner is unhappy, there’s a tendency to blame the other person for it. This results in an endless cycle of nagging, threatening, complaining, punishing, or bribing. What many couples don’t realize is that happiness comes from within. Having someone by your side simply adds to that happiness. Depending happiness on someone else is not just unhealthy. It’s dangerous.
Getting Lost in their Roles
As the couple takes on the role of parents – things can get very overwhelming. They soon realize that they have grown apart and have completely forgotten why they even got married in the first place. It’s easy for a couple to get lost in their roles as parents. That is why both spouses should have a conscious effort to nurture their relationship. Things like going on a date, taking time off from the kids and spending quality time together, traveling, and trying new things can all help re-establish the romance and friendship that once bloomed in their relationship.
Conflicting Interests and Priorities
Having shared interests and goals is important to the success of a marriage. While individuality matters, both spouses should have a shared vision of success. Married couples should find common passions and look for ways to experience them together. Whether it’s a hobby, traveling, a sport – having fun together will strengthen the bond between the spouses and make the marriage beautiful and fulfilling.
Lack of Communication
Communication, along with love and respect, is the foundation of a successful marriage. A lot of major problems arise from simple misunderstandings. Amidst the new technology, there is no substitute for talking regularly and about everything. Effective communication is an important way to strengthen a marriage. Relationship experts advise couples to spend at least 20 minutes a day talking with each other. When issues arise, the more they need to talk. Listening is crucial too. For the marriage to succeed, both spouses should be able to hear out each other’s complaints without getting defensive.
Conclusion
There are many reasons why married couples end up in divorce. Infidelity, finances, lack of intimacy, overwhelming roles and responsibilities, conflicting interests and priorities, and lack of communication are among the most common reasons. While it may seem like it, divorce is not the best solution to many marital issues. Divorce is a painful process. And at the end of the day, it’s the children who suffer the most. Thinking that you and your partner would be better off outside the marriage can already discourage you from trying to make it better. Instead of resorting to this process, couples should focus on determining the cause of their problems. There’s no problem without a solution. It’s just sometimes, people prefer a ‘quick fix’ without realizing that it only magnifies the problem.